I was jumping rope in the gym the other day, watching myself in the mirror. I noticed I started to feel weird, like I was out of rhythm. I kept hitting the rope on my toes and having to stop and swing the rope back around to start jumping again. I realized it was because my mind couldn’t decide which body was jumping rope—the one in the mirror or the one holding the rope. What I saw in the mirror was just slightly out of touch with the physical reality of the rope in my hands and this caused a delay that disrupted my rhythm.
There are two views of yourself: inside and outside. The mirror is the outside view—what you would be able to see if you were another person looking at yourself. The inside view is what you feel and think—the sensory and mental inputs that are only yours. In the case of jumping rope, it’s my breath and my feet touching the mat and my hands gripping the jump rope and the sound of the rope hitting the mat and the mental counting to keep a rhythm.
I catch myself sometimes thinking in terms of what other people will think. I wonder what will “they” think if I look this way or do this. I wonder if it will make me more attractive or make me seem more successful. So we build up this idea of ourselves that we want other people to see. This is the “outside” view. It is exhausting to maintain an outside view that is inconsistent with the inside view. It’s like telling a lie that you have to remember. As you tell more and more lies, it gets to be like a house of cards.
Instead, build yourself on the inside view. Be honest with yourself about what you think and feel, whatever it is. Then build the idea of yourself based on the solid foundation of who you actually are. Or better yet, don’t build an idea of yourself at all. Allow your inside view to constantly be the outside view.