I was talking with a friend recently about networking. We were discussing the merits of going to conferences, retreats, and the like, where the idea is to meet other people and make new connections.
My opinion is similar to DJ Khaled’s, “No new friends.”
I said something like, “I would rather spend ten hours with one of my best friends, than one hour with my best friend and one hour with each of nine new friends.”
Of course, there are business benefits to networking. But I think it’s better to try and not confuse these two—business and friendship.
As for friendship, I already feel that my time is strained to stay in close contact with my best friends and family.
Now, this is not to say I have a large amount of friends. I can count my best friends on one hand. But maintaining these relationships takes time.
There are 168 hours in a week (24 x 7 = 168). If you sleep 8 hours each night, that’s 56 sleeping hours (8 x 7 = 56). If you work 40 hours per week, then you have 72 hours of free time each week (168 – 56 – 40 = 72).
Seems like a lot of time, right? Add in exercise, cooking, eating, reading, and a few other daily activities and all of a sudden it’s not that much.
Your time is valuable and friendships are important.
If you add too many new friends, it will dilute the time that you’re able to spend with the friends you already have.
I’m starting to feel the same way about books.
I used to think, “There are so many great books out there. I need to read as many as I can.”
Now, I think, “There are a few great books, a lot of good books, and even more mediocre books.”
I can’t say that I know which ones are the great books, objectively. Over the past few years I have built a reading list from sources that I respect and have read over 200 books. I am now going back through and rereading the ones that I like most.
Oftentimes, I find I have forgotten so much great knowledge contained in a book that I read only once. It seems better to refresh my memory with the contents of the best book on the topic, rather than reading the second best book on the topic.
There’s also the question of finding great books and best friends. It’s not easy.
I’ve received plenty of bad book recommendations for books that I’ve had to stop reading after I’ve already bought the paperback copy that now sits gathering dust on the bookshelf.
As for friends, I consider myself lucky to have a few great friends. Meanwhile, I meet hundreds of people each year that I don’t care for nearly as much as I do for the friends that I already have.
This reminds me of something my friend Casey recently schooled me on called “reinvestment risk.” It describes the risk that your assets might be removed from one investment for whatever reason, at which point you will have to search for a new investment for your assets, when there may not be an equal or better investment available.
In this case, friends and books are investments. Our asset is time.
So by engaging yourself to find new best friends and other great books, not only are you (1) committing to diluting the time that you are currently spending with the best friends and great books you already have whence you find any new friends or books, you are also (2) wasting more of your temporal assets as go on searching for new investments.
For some, especially younger folk, the search is still underway to find your best friends and great books.
For others, who are fortunate to have some of each, it may be worth considering that the answer is deeper, not more.